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Joke of the Day

"I used to be married to a girl with a wooden leg. But then I broke it off."

"My resume is really just a list of things I never want to do again."

"More men have been enrolling in domestic violence support groups than ever If you can't beat em, join em"

"I was really bad in school. I failed maths so many times, I can't even count."

"What is a pair of sheep's favorite instrument? Two-Baaas."

"I'd sit on Ellen Pao's face... ... Just so I wouldn't have to look at it."

"dad, why does my cake say ""we dont want a talking cake"" ""its a long story son"""

"Why can't Harry Potter tell the difference between his cooking pot and his best friend? Because they're both cauldron"

"A tropical depression is just like a regular depression. Except instead of being unable to get out of bed, you can't get out of a hammock."

"How do you make hard cider? Put it in the freezer."