108766

Joke of the Day

"Me: ""Can I have a few extra days off before Christmas?"" Boss: ""It's May."" Me: ""Sorry, may I have a few days off before Christmas?"""

"Why were the pirates on the ship fighting? They needed better anchor management."

"What do male lawyers call a female barrister? A barista. Because they're only good for making coffee."

"In light of recent events, I have no choice but to deduct a full star from my Yelp review of Earth."

"I finally got my crush wet.. She got mad at me because i stole her umbrella"

"Can I borrow your cellphone? I need to call animal control cause I just saw a fox!"

"Which is more promiscuous, a Northern girl or a Southern girl? A Northern girl says ""You can"" but a Southern girl says ""Y'all can""!"

"[first date questions] You like meat? I make killer beef jerky with leftover hobo carcasses...and she's gone Whatever she's probably vegan"

"i would like to join whatever weight loss program my wallet is on because its working wonders"

"In olden times, sacrifices were made at the altar. A practice that still continues"