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Joke of the Day

"When my son goes to a party I always tell him ""No drinking, no drugs and ALWAYS be the first person in a Human Centipede chain."""

"I'll stop being so lazy when being so lazy stops being so awesome."

"How do you know if a guy was in the Navy SEALs? Don't worry, he'll tell you."

"How many hipsters... does it take to screw in a light bulb? It's a really obscure number. You've probably never heard of it."

"What does a baby look like in a microwave? I don't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate."

"Me: Was this product tested on animals? Clerk: Yes. Me: [outraged] I knew it!!!! Clerk: Sir, that's a dog leash."

"What did Mr.T say when he saw a fat lady at the bar? I pity the stool!"

"ME: Haha you can tell them any name and they have to say it BARISTA: I have a latte for ""A Person Who Deserves Love""? ME [crying]: Hahaha"

"HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR, It's the year of the snake !!! I'm still keep accidentally writing Dragon on all my checks."

"Where do people keep their gay porn? On a hard drive."