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Joke of the Day

"After ironing my shirt I noticed it was depressed, I still can't believe it hung itself though."

"Why did the scarecrow win an award? He was outstanding in his field"

"""God I wish I was riding a dinosaur right now."" - My brain, circa now."

"I was going to tell a Mexican joke... but that's just crossing the border"

"Being a courteous dinner guest, I always offer to do the dishes. I'm not the one who's going to eat off them next. Quick rinse works for me."

"Which doesn't belong: Meat, a Blow Job, Your Wife, An Egg A Blowjob, you can beat your Meat, you can beat your wife, and you can beat an egg, but you can't beat a blow job"

"What do you call Batman and Robin after they got run over by a steamroller? Flatman and Ribbon"

"Q: How does a blonde commit suicide? A: She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off."

"Only funny if you own a dog: I think my dog must have a very cold nose. Every time it walks into a room, all the other dogs sit down."

"People keep escaping from maximum security jails and I can't even manage to leave 5 minutes early from work."