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Joke of the Day

"My son is screaming his head off in his room but there's no way I'm going in there if his monster reports are true."

"Think you know guilt? *takes long drag on cigarette* I'm the wildebeest who killed Mufasa. *exhales* I hear Simba's screams every night."

"the most challenging thing I've done all week is explain to a 4 year old where he was in photos taken 7 years ago"

"Just thought about it... (nsfw) My ex-boyfriend was 6'1"". My current boyfriend is 6'3"" ....height isn't the only 2 inch difference between them."

"My electronegativity class in college was such a blow off class! I got an F on all my exams for the class, but I still managed to maintain a 4.0 GPA."

"The two hardest things in programming? Naming things, caching things and off-by-one errors!"

"Decades of video games have left me unjustifiably overconfident in my ability to break open a wooden crate."

"riding that line between i wish i didn't have to eat to live and food is the only thing that comforts me"

"What does OP never do?"

"I did a theatrical performance on puns.. it was a play on words."