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Joke of the Day

"Have a baby hold your cigarette for a minute and everybody loses their shit!"

"I bought a pair of shoes from my drug dealer. I'm not sure what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day!"

"Whoever said nothing is impossible is a liar. I've been doing nothing for years."

"What's the difference between Texas and stupid? Nothing."

"Mullets: Business in the front. Party-at-a-mobile-home-til-5am-drinking-Pabst-then-go-home-&-get-arrested-for-domestic-violence in the back"

"*puts on satin, full length pajamas for men, slips into bed* yes... time to text some girls the word 'hey' and only the word 'hey'"

"HALF LIFE 3 CONFIRMED!"

"Yes, I am having meat on Friday. I won't tell God if you don't."

"How did the date go? -Not good. Aww what went wrong? -*thinks back to accidentally popping a zit into her soup* She just wasn't my type."

"What does pubic hair and celery have in common? Just move it to the side and keep eating."