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Joke of the Day

"I can count how many times I used condoms on one hand Zero. You put them on your penis, not your hand. Credit goes to Ron Jeremy."

"Wisdom from Confucius Man who run in front of car get tired. Man who run behind car get exhausted."

"My wife has a tattoo of a seashell on her inner thigh ... ... and if you hold your ear against it, you can smell the sea."

"A friend of mine has just moved into his new house. I got him a radiator as a house warming present."

"How does every black joke start? By looking over your shoulder!"

"Stay through the end of Hansel & Gretel to see Nick Fury kick Jeremy Renner out of The Avengers."

"A Kinect game made me angry enough to throw the controller at a wall... I've been in the hospital for 2 days now."

"[first date] I'm really nervous about this. It's been a long time since I've [holds fork up and squints] used silverware."

"What`s the difference between a Doctors Without Borders hospital and ISIS? How would I know, I`m just a US Air Force Operator."

"""If I act like I'm asleep he'll leave, If I act like I'm asleep he'll leave, if I act like I'm asleep he'll leave"" - Me getting pulled over"