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Joke of the Day

"Stay through the end of Hansel & Gretel to see Nick Fury kick Jeremy Renner out of The Avengers."

"When you realize you're enjoying the May weather... But you want Pacquiao to win..."

"What comes out of a reasonable volcano? Pragma."

"In Florida, a couple has been accused of making meth in a public library. Isn't that crazy? Florida has a library. -Conan Monologue June 12, 2014"

"What would call a person who isn't worthy of being looked at? Unseaworthy"

"I recently bought some shoes from a drug dealer... I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day."

"I would love to give Rachel Riley a cream 3.14159265359"

"Over the Internet, you can pretend to be anyone or anything. I'm amazed that so many people choose to be complete idiots."

"How many deadbeat dads does it take to change a lightbulb? I wouldn't know, mine's never around. (Alternately: ""Well, he went out to get one..."")"

"Teacher- ""what does a chicken give you?"" Students- ""Meat!"" Teacher- ""Good! Now what does the pig give you?"" Students- ""Bacon!"" Teacher- ""Great! Now what does a fat cow give you?"" Students- ""Homework!"""