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Joke of the Day

"Dad is the polite way of saying Motherfucker."

"I got arrested for punching this guy at a new years party... When you hear an arab counting down from ten your instincts kick in."

"Did you hear about the new deal on liposuction at that British clinic? each pound is now only $1.33"

"Kinky = using a feather. Perverted = using the whole chicken."

"My cousin told everyone he could do a backflip. We all gathered around him. He said, ""I can't do it if you're watching."" #MyFamilyIsWeird"

"Black lives matter Most black 15-year-olds are decent law-abiding citizens. It's their kids that cause all the trouble."

"I was so busy yesterday, my smart phone had 75% battery left at the end of the day."

"What kind of bees make milk? Boo-bees"

"I used to curcumcise elephants. The pay wasn't very good, but the tips were huge."

"Separation anxiety is common among toddlers, dogs, and would-be divorcees finding out how much divorcing costs."