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Joke of the Day
"I was so busy yesterday, my smart phone had 75% battery left at the end of the day."
Next Joke
"When speaking to children I always end every sentence with ""...or else you'll die. "" - I find this to be an excellent motivational tool."
"locked my keys in my car outside of an abortion clinic the other day. It turns out they get really pissed when you go in and ask them for a coat hanger"
"What do you call a republican fashion director? Clothed minded"
"Why did the noodles go to rehab? To get yakisoba."
"there's a portal to another dimension underneath Zooey Deschanel's bangs and I am determined to use it to meet Benjamin Franklin"
"Damn girl, are you damn girl? Because damn girl"
"What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on him? Nothing. He just let out a little wine."
"[DATE] ME: I'm a literature buff HER: who do you read? ME: read? *cut to me bench pressing like 70 copies of The Great Gatsby*"
"When I was a kid we didn't add flavor to our medicine and it tasted like shit but we liked it because we liked being not dead."