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Joke of the Day

"What do a woman and a toilet seat have in common? Without a hole in the middle they wouldn't be good for shit. (Wife told me this one)"

"Running away doesnt help you with your problems, unless you're fat. Then yeah, run."

"I am proud to annouce my discovery of Forrest Fenn's Treasure!!! It took SO long. Now I must follow the clues and locate the box."

"What do you call two crows flying together? An attempted murder."

"Why did the farmer's wife got angry at him for paying too much attention to his equipment? He kept looking at his hoes."

"Some friends of mine had a baby. They didn't want to know what sex it was, instead they just preferred to wait, and see how much it earned."

"What is white on top and black on the bottom? Society"

"Do you know what's fucking intense? Camping with your girlfriend."

"I have a strong relationship with the flying spaghetti monster... ...but it's strained to say the least"

"ME: *smashes bottle into a ship* MAN: Oh cool, what are you naming it? ME: I'm not *smashes another bottle* I just hate ships"