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Joke of the Day

"Saved my gall bladder in a jar so when they ask me at the DMV if I want to be an organ donor, I can put it on the counter and say, ""YES!"""

"How do you stop a woman giving you head? Marry her."

"What do you call those people who follow musicians around and try to hang with them after the show? Drummers."

"What's the difference between a Catholic priest and acne? Acne waits until you're 12 to come on your face. I'll see myself out now"

"What kind of cheese is made backwards? Edam."

"What do lawyers wear to court? Lawsuits"

"Why not just say you're feeling thargic, don't be all French about it"

"Of course he's a ""jolly"" rancher. He's herding candy. I'd be fucking delightful if that were my job."

"My girlfriend says I'm an idiot with money. But I'm tellin' ya, she's wrong! I'm an idiot with no money!"

"Time is money, so if you never accept a job, you have 24 hours of money per day, which is the maximum amount, so youre the richest man alive"