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Joke of the Day

"What's the most sensitive part of your body when you masturbate? Your ears."

"The remote does not go next to the TV. That's the opposite of why you have a remote."

"Set of jumper cables walks into a bar... The bartender looks them up and down really slow and says, OK, I'll serve you, but don't be starting anything."

"Chances of me doing anything at work today are about hahahahahahahahahahaha%."

"Your mom is so sweet... I don't even need sugar when I'm eating her"

"Every time I use Twitter secretly at work and a colleague asks me why I'm laughing, ""this pie chart is hilarious!"" never sounds believable."

"I just tried to start my car with my phone. You should know that my car has a keyless ignition. I'm pretty."

"Why is revenge a dish best served cold? Because it's just-ice"

"If a puppy stabbed me in the face and stole my car, I'd still be like, ""aww."""

"Q: Why did the boy throw his clock out the window? A: He wanted to see time fly."