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Joke of the Day
"Why should you never play poker with a crocodile? You will lose every hand."
Next Joke
"Have a headache? Eating a carrot can help if you take a Advil after it"
"""Five year plan?"" [shuffles papers] ...written down here somewhere ... Ahh, here it is, lemme clean the cheese off this Mcmuffin wrapper"
"If you want her - tell her. If you need her - show her. If you yearn for her - touch her. Just make sure her husband's not at home."
"The four stages of life: 1. You believe in Santa 2. You don't believe in Santa 3. You dress up like Santa 4. You look like Santa"
"Vicar: The bride and groom have written their own vows. *Everyone lets out a huge groan as Tolstoy reaches into his suit pocket*"
"A doctor walks into the room and says, "" I have good news and I have bad news"" *""What's the good news?""* ""***I*** don't have cancer"""
"I have an amazing psychic ability to find objects just before people lose them. Unfortunately, the police call it theft."
"So, we're doing race jokes: What do you call it when 5 white people have sex? A family reunion"
"The human liver can withstand up to 97% damage and make a full recovery. Yet not one doctor will accept this as an argument for alcoholism."