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Joke of the Day

"Don't say ""ATM machine"". The ""M"" already stands for ""machine"". It's redundant. It's like saying ""end result"" or ""racist Fox News Anchor""."

"Yeah, bro. I train and I lift... ...It's easier to get to work that way than to bike and to stairs."

"Note to self: Next time your migraine specialist asks ""How's your head?"" Don't reply with ""No man has ever complained."""

"Hanging out with Helen Keller always made me feel like such a hipster. She'd never heard of any of the bands I like."

"[world series game 1] Wife: where are our seats? Hamlet: 2b... Wife: there are people there Hamlet: or not 2b"

"Why can't a T-rex clap? Because there extinct."

"Why are Native American strippers the best? When they dance they make it rain."

"What do you call Hitler underwater? Adolfin."

"As a guy, wearing Crocs is a lot like getting a blowjob from another man... It feels great until you look down and realize you're a homo."

"Why can't you take a pig out on a date? Because she will squeal on you."