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Joke of the Day

"Watching real love on shows like The Bachelor makes me realize my own marriage is a fake bucket of shit."

"Why did the bees go on strike ? Because they wanted more honey and shorter working flowers !"

"ME: So you indicate action using airstrikes? HER: What? No, I said asterisks. ME: Ha, of course. [to walkie-talkie] Disengage. DISENGAGE!"

"Ebay You have got to love Ebay Sold my homing pigeons 4 times this month."

"Who took in most refugess? The Mediterranian Sea."

"What type of pants does Mario wear? Denim denim denim"

"British seasons: Spring: Two months Summer: Eight minutes Autumn: Three weeks Winter: Seven years"

"UFC 207 Not the first time I've paid $60 for 48 seconds of disappointment"

"""There's no use crying over spilt milk."" Unless you spill it on a winning Powerball ticket, then you should probably cry."

"The fast food restaurant for babies. ""Welcome to Gerber King, may I take your order?"""