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Joke of the Day

"Why did James Comey refuse to indict Hillary Clinton? Because he found his suicide note in her Wikileaks emails."

"Inspired by a recent ELI5: ""Why is milk measured in gallons and soda in litres"", I present this oldie... Q: What comes in quarts? . . A: Elephants"

"I tried to get my mom to switch from AMD to Intel... ...but I couldn't Celeron it."

"The dish drainer is just my default cupboard."

"Just had an awful drive home. I was forced to ride side by side with another car for 5 minutes. We managed to avoid eye contact, but still."

"What do you call an 800 pound gorilla? Anything he wants to be called."

"My girlfriend told me that her gran died of food poisoning. The toughest part was acting surprised."

"You can count on your dog to be the first responder when anything or anyone drops to the floor."

"Inception [2010, Psychological thriller] a group of people fall asleep - 148 mins"

"My ten year old made me pay him $10 to do the dishes, so I mugged him on his way to the bathroom because, you know, life lesson."