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Joke of the Day
"What do you call a dumb seal? An imbeseal"
Next Joke
"""So I go east? Then west? Then back east?"" ~ Me, drunk and getting directions from the inflatable stick figure in front of a car dealership"
"If Charmin had any idea where I was sticking their toilet paper, I doubt they'd spend so much time on the pretty little designs."
"Cherry: I'm pregnant. Tomato: What?! (Origin of the Cherry Tomato)"
"Can't trust CNN? Next thing ya know Nigerian royalty sending me emails will be fake."
"A woman asks her friend, ""Is your husband circumcised?"" Her friend replies, ""No, he's a complete dick."""
"Whenever my children question my knowledge on any subject, I just remind them that their mother is older than the Internet."
"Next time you over hear a stranger giving out their number. Text them details of what they are wearing. It's so fun to watch them freak out!"
"What do you get if you cross a firefly and a moth ? An insect who can find its way around a dark wardrobe !"
"If you're a copyright attorney and your slogan isn't ""Carpe TM,"" go fuck yourself."