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Joke of the Day

"Hey guys, have you heard about the new corduroy pillow? It's making head lines!"

"Judge: Your charge is burning down your neighbors house Me: Your Honor they hung baskets of plastic flowers on their porch! J: Not Guilty!"

"If your product's third layer is for absorbency, I don't want to see the commercial at dinnertime."

"I hate One Direction fans... Oscillating ones cool down a room much better."

"Yo mama so lazy she thinks a two-income family is where yo daddy has two jobs."

"OH AND JUST FYI.... THE BAGS UNDER MY EYES ARE LOUIS VUITTON"

"Q: Why do cows moo? A: Because their horns don't work."

"I like my beer like i like my violence.. Domestic."

"You and me baby ain't nothing but mammals so let's cheat and murder for insurance money like they do on Investigation Discovery Channel."

"I was telling a great joke about the importance of the guillotine in the French Revolution... But it didn't really land. I guess execution really is key"