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Joke of the Day

"Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a minute, but set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life."

"If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? Smallpox and genocide."

"So I was driving down the street when I saw a couple guys trying to take an old lady's purse. I ran her over to help We got it off her eventually"

"MAYBE PEACH JUST LIKES BOWSER A LOT AND WE'RE FOLLOWING A NARRATIVE OF MARIO THE DELUSIONAL HOMEWRECKER. *cops pull me from operating room*"

"What was the last thing the Australian terrorist said. KoALLAH AKBAR."

"Jesus loves you. But I'm his favorite."

"What's nine inches long, has a bright purple top, and made my wife cry when I fed it to her after jamming it up her ass? Her stillbirth"

"Funny that when a guy sleeps with tons of girls, he's a stud.. But when a girl sleeps with tons of guys, somehow I'm not one of them."

"There are 400 billion birds in the world, 250,000 planes, and one Superman. So, in answer to your question - probably a bird."

"Two guys walk into a bar, the third one ducks."