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Joke of the Day

"Him: you watch too much Food Network Me: just enjoy your artisanal bread covered in a delectable berry compote Him: its toast and jelly"

"Why should you never BBQ on your roof? The steaks are too high. ^I'll ^see ^myself ^out"

"I never wanted to hug someone as badly as the little old man who just ordered a ""small coffee flavored coffee"" in Starbucks."

"How do you starve a lazy person. You put the welfare check in his work boots."

"What did the constipated mathematician do? He sat down and worked it out with a pencil."

"In theory there is no difference between theory and practice. In practice there is."

"An atom loses an electron... It says, ""man, I really gotta keep an ion them."" Edit: RIP inbox, nearly thought Reddit Au was coming Edit 2: First Reddit au! Thanks kind stranger!"

"why did god make girls so stupid? so that they would love boys"

"Remember World War II? Now close your eyes and imagine? Women and children don't exist. Everyone else is a Man, 90 years old. How long would it have taken for World War II to finish?"

"Why buy an invisible knife? I don't see the point"