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Joke of the Day

"A statistician walks up to a girl in the bar Guy: You're the most average girl out here. Girl: Hey, you're mean! Guy: No, you are."

"Why was Hitler confused when he arrived in hell? He did Nazi the Aryan his ways."

"ME: I can't find my sandals WIFE: did you look everywhere? ME: yes WIFE: even down ME: yes even dowI did not put those on"

"I tried to break into the Apple Store but... ...the backdoor was locked and they didn't have any windows"

"[Parent-Teacher Conference] Teacher: ..if another kid is mean to her, she calmly walks away Me: *flips table* WHICH KID IS MEAN TO HER?!?!"

"What do you call the sweat between two people having sex in Arkansas? Relative Humidity"

"A ghost walks into a bar and howls Sorry sir' the barmen replies.""We don't serve spirits after eleven"""

"Went to the zoo and the only animal there was a good looking dog... It was a pretty shih tzu"

"Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener."

"True Story: A guy at the supermarket walked up to me today and asked me if I was on twitter. I said no. If you're reading this, I lied."