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Joke of the Day

"I tried to break into the Apple Store but... ...the backdoor was locked and they didn't have any windows"

"I saw a chameleon today.......he wasn't very good at being a chameleon."

"The new British PM has been spotted performing necromantic rituals over Margaret Thatcher's grave... She May be planning Theresa corpse."

"I've decided to name my penis Napoleon... ...because there's a big misconception that it's short, but it's actually average sized"

"If using your 4yo as a remote control to fetch things makes you a bad parent, then I'm a bad parent... A bad parent with an ice cold beer."

"There's no harm in trying Unless you try to commit suicide,that will suck real bad"

"Meets girl at bar. Takes her to Ikea. Quickly learns the difference between one-night stand and one nightstand."

"My neighbor said ""nice skirt"" so I said, ""thanks, it helps me not blast Miley Cyrus at 6 in the morning, you should borrow it sometime."""

"Aliens watching our media must assume we are being implored to show allegiance to our ruler, a mysterious entity named ""Geico."""

"When Granpa revealed an exit wound scar from WWII it gave me strength to show him the owie owie bruise I suffered closing a faulty pizza box"