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Joke of the Day

"I thought I had an std because my eyes started burning every time I had sex. Then I realized it was just the mace."

"The ocean is full of sharks, jellyfish, man-eating octopus, and nightmare whales, but make sure you wait a half-hour after eating to go in."

"I think a cool anti-hero would be Aeon Netflux ...except during fights she would stop every 2 minutes to ""rebuffer"", and her selection of moves would be extremely limited."

"What covers the outside of a dogwood tree? Bark."

"I need a man, not a boy. They will have much more structurally sound ideas for me to bypass the lava floor and make it to the blanket fort."

"Joe Biden marries two gay white house officials at his house. His wife isn't happy."

"I'm starting to feel bullied by all the anti-bullying commercials."

"What's the difference between love, true love and showing off? Spit, swallow, gargle."

"Mountains are funny. They're hill areas."

"What's the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi? Dubai doesn't like the flintstones, but the people of Abu Dhabi doo"