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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between an ass kisser and a brown noser? About 2 inches."

"I have all the money I'll ever need if I die by 4:00 p.m. today."

"Me:*delete pics* IPhone: you sure? M:Yes IP: Ok I'll just put them over here Me:delete them IP: Ok *whispers* keeping them on the cloud tho"

"if u see someone chewing gum in the morning, it's 100% bc they didn't brush their teeth. they're nasty as hell n not worthy of ur respect"

"Did you hear about the guy who had his whole left side cut off? He's all right now."

"What did Tennessee? What Arkansas."

"My sister let me borrow her newborn baby so I could meet girls at the mall. Worked great! Also, If you've found my nephew Jake, lemme know"

"Why can't Kermit and Miss Piggy count to one hundred? Because every time they get to 69, Miss Piggy gets a frog in her throat."

"Where do bees go to the bathroom at? at the [BP Station](https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/b/b8/Bp_station_zanesville_ohio.jpg) *Sorry, I know...its a Dad joke.*"

"What happens when you drop a piano in a mine? A Flat Minor"