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Joke of the Day

"What gets longer when pulled... Fits between breasts, inserts neatly in a hole and works best when jerked? -- -- A seatbelt!"

"I buy reverse osmosis filtered alkaline water for my dog and he prefers to drink out of the lake."

"What do you call Bono's stupid brother? Duno..."

"I met the hottest woman the other day She was screaming for a bucket of water"

"A hipster has just died Welcome to heaven, says god. The hipster turns back : no way, I'm going to hell before it's cool"

"VOTERS: we want to give a boat a ridiculous name UK: no VOTERS: we want to break up the EU and trash the world economy UK: fine"

"Did you hear Justin Timberlake is making a new song based on Oscar Pistorious? It's called Cry Me A Reeva"

"Interviewer: What's your greatest strength? Potential employee: Shape shifting. Interviewer: Really? Interviewer: Yes. Interviewer: Shit."

"OH MY GOD I ALMOST SAT DOWN ON THE TOILET WITHOUT MY BLACKBERRY!"

"I like my girl like I like... Reddit Unexpectedly down on me!"