178646

Joke of the Day

"My sister let me borrow her newborn baby so I could meet girls at the mall. Worked great! Also, If you've found my nephew Jake, lemme know"

"How come, ""I'm sorry"" and ""I apologise mean the same thing... ....except when you say them at a funeral?"

"Knock Knock. Who's there? *long pause* ding-dong ditch."

"Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the other losers who missed a 15 million square mile target."

"Santa came last night. Oh god.... it's everywhere :("

"How does a chicken do their hair? With a comb, In one fowl swoop."

"Honestly, everyone can get fucked... So what if I don't know what 'apocalypse' means? It's not the end of the world!"

"If you crush a cockroach, you're a hero. If you crush a beautiful butterfly, you're a villain. Morals have aesthetic criteria."

"Man escapes from insane asylum, and has sex with a girl in a laundry mat. The newspaper the next day reads: ""Nut screws washers and bolts."" Edit: Error in title: laundromat*."

"What do you call a dog with no legs It doesn't matter. He won't come anyway."