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Joke of the Day

"*holds flashlight under chin Me: suddenly the mystery of... Son: haha Dad has like 3 chins *drops flashlight Me: SANTA CLAUS IS FAKE!!"

"One women's ""oh hell no that's gross"" is another women's ""oh please do that again""."

"MOM STOP LICKING YOUR FINGER TO CLEAN MY FACE I'M IN A GANG NOW"

"Did you know that Justin Bieber has a 12 inch cock? Yep. It's in his ass and belongs to Usher."

"LIFE HACK tell the hotel you forgot your toothbrush. They don't even check, they just give you a brand new one!!! It's so sweet"

"I can't wait until my breasts make milk. Sometimes I get thirsty. And the fridge is all the way over there."

"A new study has shown banana skins contain traces of LSD... I guess that explains why people are always tripping on them"

"Ain't no party like a dyslexic party Cause a dyslexic party don't pots."

"Where can you leave your dog when you shop? The barking lot."

"(Date) Me: Sorry I have terrible anxiety and get picnic attacks. Her: You mean panic attacks? Me: *pulling basket out* Oh god make it stop"