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Joke of the Day
"I'm thinking about selling my vacuum cleaner... ... All it does is collect dust."
Next Joke
"Ah Twitter, never have so many said so much that mattered so little to so few."
"Beverly Hills - 90210 Denver Broncos - 16"
"I farted in an Apple Store Not my fault they don't have Windows"
"Making my kids homemade blueberry muffins. *opens package* *adds water*"
"What do a walrus and a Tupperware container have in common? They both like a tight seal."
"TIFU: My wife told me she wants to get a tattoo on her lower back. I told her to get one of a beautiful young woman so I'd have something to fantasize about."
"In light of Germany's discovery of ISIS using mustard gas: What do you call a soldier who's survived mustard gas and pepper spray? A seasoned veteran."
"Hellen Keller list!!"
"I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure."