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Joke of the Day

"I absolutely recommend falling in love with your twitter crush and traveling about 3612 miles to boink them."

"A man in a restaurant asks the waiter, ""How does the chef prepare the chicken?"" The waiter replies, ""He looks it straight in the eye and says, 'You're gonna die.'"""

"Don't invest in SeaWorld It's really starting to tank"

"No one on Twitter ever quotes me properly. I'm so mis-tweeted."

"What the rapper's younger brother say when he got hit by his Molotov Cocktail? ""Looks like bro's mix tape finally dropped..."""

"What's it called when a huge hole opens up in the ground in the middle of Spring? Sinkhole de Mayo"

"How do you stop a North Korean tank? Shoot the soldier pushing it."

"I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day!"

"""I'm a big fan of 50 cent. Or as he's known in Zimbabwe: four hundred million dollars."""

"If you had to steal a bike from someone, who would it be? A black guy, because it's probably already stolen."