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Joke of the Day

"(Calm down, this isn't a racist joke.) How do you find will smith in a snowstorm? (Not a racist joke!) You look for the fresh prints!"

"My friends daughter just recently turned 9 years old and has started asking him those embarrassing questions about sex. Hell, just this morning she asked him ""is that the best you can do?"""

"What to you call a cow with no legs... Ground beef"

"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance We'll see about that."

"A better name for everything bagels would be '3-5 things bagels'"

"TIL Domo Arigato Mr. Roboto translates you to ""Thank You Mr. Robot"" The Spanish translation is Muchos Gracias Marco Rubio"

"I used that classic Liam Neeson line from ""Taken"" today.. ""I will find you, and I will kill you."" My niece didn't want to play hide and seek anymore."

"How do you fit an elephant in a Safeway bag? Take the 'F' out of safe and the 'F' out of way."

"Why did the H blow itself up? Because the Jihad."

"What's the similarity between pessimists and people with a phobia of sausages? They both fear the wurst"