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Joke of the Day

"A woman went to the bar with a black eye. ""How'd ya get that?"" asked the bartender. ""From my husband,"" she replied. ""But I thought he was out of town?"" he asked. ""So did I!"" she said."

"*walking with my girlfriend on a beach* *i get down on one knee* ""will you ma..."" *a dog walks past & farts so loud it drowns out my voice*"

"I saw a lake monster!!! He was walking up out of the water and onto the shore!!! Littorally!!!"

"""Do you know why I pulled you over?"" ""You thought I'd like your pretty lights?"" ""Recite the alphabet backwards"" ""I can't even do that sober"""

"How do Asians see the world? In widescreen."

"Don't get me wrong I'm impressed by the Olympics but what really impresses me is people who sleep with their cell phones in other rooms."

"My hooker friend finally got a toilet installed at her brothel. Now she can poop where she pleases."

"I'm sorry I punched you when you said ""Facebook me"". I thought you said ""Face punch me""."

"I don't think of women as just nice tits, a sweet ass, a pretty face or any single one of their parts... ... I think of them as a hole."

"What's the difference between a person with a forehead and a fivehead? A sixth sense"