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Joke of the Day

"I don't think this bowl of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups on my desk is making me as indispensable to the workplace as I had hoped."

"A guy doesn't go into a bar... Unaware, the bartender continues serving drinks to other people."

"Me: I have Schrodinger like reflexes ""Don't you mean cat-like reflexes?"" Me: Yes and No."

"What do you get when you cross a penis and a potato? A dicktater."

"I'll have a Venti Vodka please."

"My credit has gotten so bad... ...that Mastercard started sending me bills in Spanish."

"Yo mama so fat when she goes to an amusement park people try to ride HER!"

"Did you hear about the terrorists who hijacked a plane of lawyers? They threatened to release one every hour til their demands were met."

"We all know how women can fake orgasms, but do you know how a man does? He moans, shakes, and spits on your back."

"Jack is a big part of all of us. He's the best friend we've never had. We spend most of our time doing Jack shit, drinking Jack and Jacking off. Thanks for the memories."