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Joke of the Day

"""Want to get a drink?"" ""Later:"" ""How about now?"" ""Later."" ""Now?"" ""Later."" ""Now?"" --If the Windows Auto Updates pop up was your friend."

"My girl told me to stop singing 'Wonderwall.' I said maybe"

"I was in an English exam and they asked ""Write the past tense of Think'"" I thought and thought about this for ages. Eventually, I went for Thunk'"

"A nervous mountaineer looks at the steep mountain... Which his guide had proposed to climb. - Do people tumble down often here? - No, the guide said, one time is usually enough."

"How do you castrate the pope? Kick the altar boy in the chin."

"What do you call a jerk in the space program? Nasshole."

"How do you measure a milf? themommeter"

"Outsmarting Teacher PUPIL: ""Would you punish me for something I didn`t do?"" TEACHER:"" Of course not."" PUPIL: ""Good, because I haven`t done my homework."""

"Got really drunk and had unprotected sex with the cashier at 7-11 last night. Hope I don't catch slurpees."

"Saying ""Sloppy seconds"" instead of ""leftovers"" is really funny, until your five year old says it."