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Joke of the Day

"""Want to get a drink?"" ""Later:"" ""How about now?"" ""Later."" ""Now?"" ""Later."" ""Now?"" --If the Windows Auto Updates pop up was your friend."

"My New Years resolution is to quit doing dick jokes. It does limit my material though. It does makes it...hard."

"What did Spock find in the toilet of the Starship Enterprise? The Captain's Log."

"Two prostitutes are talking about their clients... One of them says ""So yesterday I had this client who had a dick like my leg!"", the other replies ""Impossible - no man has a dick that's that dirty""."

"A man just went completely berserk at a Dollar Store & destroyed everything inside. Total damage: $48."

"if going to church has taught me anything, it is that Catholics hate unexpected pterodactyl impressions"

"My doctor says I have oppositional-defiant disorder. But he's wrong, so fuck him!"

"I peaked too soon in high school. I'm still sending her child support."

"My girlfriend turned to me and said ""Dave, I think we've come to the end of the road."" ""Why?"" I said, shocked. ""We're in a lake."""

"I hate Holocaust jokes: My grandpa died in Auschwitz... He fell off a guard tower while on duty. Neva forget"