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Joke of the Day

"Q: Why did Bill Clinton cross the road? A: To meet the chick."

"How did Jeffrey Dahmer make alphabet soup? With 26 characters he met at a party."

"I added broccoli to my kid's Mac n Cheese and now he's sitting in a spinny chair, petting a hairless cat and plotting his revenge."

"You can buy a birthday cake if it's not your birthday, those dipshits don't even check your ID."

"In case I ever doubted my status as an American, being able to buy girl scout cookies on my way out of the gym was a heady reminder."

"Sorry I didn't reply to your text, I just couldn't find a response that would keep you from sending another"

"""I couldn't work there after what he said to me..."" ""What did he say?"" ""You're fired."""

"What do fish smoke? Seaweed!"

"My relationship with my cat is like that of a married couple. Basically we fight a lot and never have sex."

"A scientist comes over to test the pigs of a farmer who smokes weed... They were all pot-bellied pigs."