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Joke of the Day

"A scientist comes over to test the pigs of a farmer who smokes weed... They were all pot-bellied pigs."

"How was copper wire created? Two Jews found the same penny."

"When is being an ""Alpha"" not a good thing in the dating world? When you are a type of radiation. No one wants someone who can't penetrate well."

"A guy in a public place, phone out, camera on... He approaches a young woman. ""What are you doing, creep?"" she says. He glances up, smiles, and says ""Calm down. I'm just trying to get a Pikachu."""

"Tornado warnings outside. Good thing I got drunk enough to fight a tornado or else we'd be screwed."

"I think it's weird how President Obama appointed George Clooney Secretary Of Handsome. #DNC"

"I once sat down with Oprah to discuss my drug use but I was high & that might not have been Oprah because why did she need to borrow money?"

"How can you reuse a condom? Turn it inside out and shake the fuck out of it."

"""The N stands for number so no need to say 'PIN number'. ""Terribly sorry, I'll start again: 'You're dead if you don't give me your PIN'."

"the dog ran into a fence chasing a squirrel. she doesn't look anything like me but she's mine. i can tell"