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Joke of the Day

"My relationship with my cat is like that of a married couple. Basically we fight a lot and never have sex."

"I bought a 12 pack of condoms the other day. The cashier asked if I'd like a bag, I said ""Nah, I'll just turn the lights off""."

"Someone just called me materialistic. I felt like choking them with my Vivienne Westwood belt."

"What's the difference between HP computers and HP in a video game? One of them you want to see a lot less of."

"My mother was over the age of fifty when she gave birth to me You could say I was born with a silver poon in my mouth."

"Did you hear about the iguana that couldn't change colour? He had a reptile dysfunction."

"AMA: I am a submarine naval commander discharged for friendly fire in an underwater sea battle Oops, wrong sub."

"Why are sailors so impatient when they get on land? Because they're tired of waiting in the rhumb line."

"I go for chubby girls because they can't run away"

"Have you heard about corduroy pillowcases? They're making head lines!"