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Joke of the Day
"Men are like plungers. They spend most of their lives in a hardware store or the bathroom"
Next Joke
"Smokey: ""Only you can prevent forest fires"" Me: HOLY SHIT A TALKING BEAR"
"They cooled a man to absolute zero He is 0K."
"I was in a cab today and the cab driver said, ""I love my job, I'm my own boss. Nobody tells me what to do..."" Then I said, ""Turn left."""
"I needed a password eight characters long... ... so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs."
"The Teen Choice Awards has to be the most legit award show because teens always make the best choices."
"Him: *hands me glass of clear liquid* Is this glass half full or half empty? Me: Is that water or vodka? Him: Vodka. Me: Empty."
"Sometimes I wear a tinfoil hat. I'm not one of those wackjobs, it just makes being in the microwave more interesting."
"Google introduced a new smartphone alarm that can wake users up on the subway so they don't miss their stop. As opposed to the alarm they use now: getting elbowed by the stranger they're drooling on."
"A guy thing. pp"