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Joke of the Day

"Why are all Quaker truck drivers stuck in the 1980's? Q:Why are all Quaker truck drivers stuck in the 1980's? A: Because they are Haulin' Oats!"

"""I'm sorry"" and ""I apologise"" mean the same thing...except when you're at a funeral."

"Harambe walks into a bar Bartender: What will you be drinking? Harambe: I'll have a beer Me: No, he'll have just ice Bartender: Just ice? Me: Yes. Justice for Harambe."

"I'm going to start a band called Control Z We will play our songs, but start over half way through it."

"""So your telling me that you'd be willing to lick your SO's butthole..."" ""But all be damned if you would share a toothbrush!"""

"My wife told me she wanted the body of a stripper. But she screamed when I brought her one."

"Do you know the difference between 5 minutes of blowjob and 5 minutes of sodomy ? Do you have 10 minutes ?"

"What kind of a pitch did Sandy Koufax of the old Burger-lyn Dodgers have? A fastball - a sizzler."

"I would tell you another chemistry joke... But all the best ones Argon."

"I forgot FB was not Twitter & posted something ultra dirty. Now I have to avoid my granndma, change my hair color & leave the state."