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Joke of the Day

"I'm going to start a band called Control Z We will play our songs, but start over half way through it."

"a jewish man told me this... Knock knock..."

"Husband sat in his room throwing darts.... at his wife's photo but not even a single one hit the target. From another room the wife asks the husband : ""What are you doing?"" . Husband: ""MISSING YOU""."

"What do you call customers at Lidl? Lidl people."

"It's so humid today I keep expecting a southern lawyer to do his closing argument."

"[I am wearing a wedding gown at work] BOSS: Do you have a minute to chat in my office? ME: [lifting veil] I do"

"Next wedding Im saying its a open bar but when u get there its going to be cash.Just b/c its a 3rd wedding doesnt mean u can skip it slacker"

"Four more years is a great thing to shout at a president running for reelection... But not so good to shout at a 14 year old girl."

"If you put your right ear really close to your left knee and you listen... ...you can hear a voice say 'What the fuck are you doing?'"

"Local coffee drinker... Local man caught after stealing a month's worth of coffee. He was charged with resisting a rest."