160313

Joke of the Day

"Harambe walks into a bar Bartender: What will you be drinking? Harambe: I'll have a beer Me: No, he'll have just ice Bartender: Just ice? Me: Yes. Justice for Harambe."

"She has a weimerhi...wimerrihym....wimmerhie... She has a big gray dog."

"*surgeon opens cooler during transplant* *cooler is full of Gatorade* ""Wait but this means..."" *cut to surgeon's kids dumping kidney on coach*"

"What's the difference between your job and a dead prostitute? Your job still sucks!"

"What do you call an angry pirate? P-irate"

"I always wonder what the nurses reaction was like after I leave a half eaten sandwich in a coma patients hand."

"If Hilary and Trump were to be stranded on an island, who would survive? America."

"Diamonds are a girl's best friend until you realize they turn you into a shallow ho"

"- Who likes music? - asks a commander. - Two soldiers step forward. - All right. I bought a piano. Take it to my apartment on the fourth floor."

"What does an empty bottle of Champaign and an orphan have in common? Nether of them have a pop."