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Joke of the Day

"Apologies your honor [slides ventriloquist dummy back under my seat] I was told these proceedings were going to be televised."

"What do you call a communist who's also a good sniper? a Marxman"

"There's one way that jared joker can be better than Heath's. Just put a smile on his face with he's own knife."

"I got my first email address in 1999 to keep in touch with a girl I met in Poland. She's dead now but I still use email."

"Research shows that in 100% of cases, when someone says ""Oh no she didn't!"", she in fact, did."

"If you make an oriental dizzy.... does he become disoriented?"

"Your wife and your lawyer are drowning, you have a decision to make.... Fish or chicken for dinner?"

"Why do people say love is like chemistry? Because you can put it in someones drink"

"NSFW Men are like a deck of cards... You need a heart to love him, a diamond to marry him, a club to smash his fucking face in and a spade to bury the bastard!"

"Did you hear about the car with wooden wheels, a wooden engine, and wooden doors? It wooden start"