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Joke of the Day
"What do you call a gay Jew? He-blew"
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"What's the soft stuff between sharks' teeth? Slow swimmers"
"The worst thing about Hillary Clinton is she can't dicks out for Harambe even if she wanted to. Even Michelle can do that."
"When I was young I used to poke holes in my parent's condoms so that there could be someone else to do the dishes."
"I lost both my hands in a car crash... But there is a silver lining somewhere. I just can't put my finger on it."
"Nothing worse than talking to a person with a large amount of spit in their mouth that talks really fast. HOLY SHIT...My glasses r ruined"
"how did canada choose its name? They pulled letters out of a hat. C, eh N, eh D, eh"
"What does a hardware salesman do on a one night stand? He nuts and bolts."
"[my wife and I watch a drunk white girl fall out of a cab] I've never drank that much.... [wife looks at me in disgust] ugh, ok I have."
"I'm sorry, this suitcase is overweight. You're gonna have to take some stuff out and put it in a different bag so the plane doesn't crash."