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Joke of the Day

"What does deaf, mute and blind person get for christmas? Cancer"

"if the neighbor kid is driving you nuts practicing saxophone you can complain or teach her Careless Whisper - maybe be a problem solver"

"What type of transporter does Mr. Scott use? A Beemer."

"Hello, Mr. Bond. *shuffles UNO cards* I've been expecting you. *sinks into bean bag chair*"

"Who were the shortest people in the Bible? Let's see. There'sKneehighmiah, Bildad the Shoe-Height...oh, and Peter, who said, ""Silver andgold I have none,"" and no one could be much shorter than that."

"BAD: When your date has been in the Men's Room for 45 mins. WORSE: When the 6 yo girl at the table next to you says ""he's not coming back"""

"I still struggle daily with how Ed Hardy happened"

"Turns out you have to *tell* a guy you're going out, otherwise you just end up standing on his doorstep wondering why he's in his sweats."

"6'5"" guy: [starts a fight with me at the bar] me: [hides behind GF] GF: HEY, WHAT THE F- me: look, we need more strong female lead char-"

"What's the difference between a BMW and a porcupine? The porcupine has the pricks on the outside."