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Joke of the Day

"I should have seen this breakup coming.... The nicest thing she ever said to me was, ""Oh wow, that car almost hit you."""

"In the 1800s women were sometimes forced to wear an ""A"" on their clothing, signifying that they were Alvin from the Chipmunks."

"How do you make a chocolate omelette? With Easter Eggs!"

"So you got mustard on your jeans. Shut up about it. We live on a wet marble that flies circles around a giant burning star. Fuck your jeans."

"A recent study was released on head lice stating that 95% of lice populations are resistant to treatment. Scientists are scratching their heads trying to figure out how this happened."

"What's a basketball players favorite kind of cheese? Swish cheese."

"How many jugglers does it take to change a light bulb? One, but it takes at least three light bulbs."

"What happens when a frogs car breaks down? IT GETS TOAD!"

"I like my jokes how I like my babies. Stolen and beaten to death."

"Did you hear about the atom that was caught stealing electrons? He was arrested and charged. ...this is the stuff I come up with while procrastinating studying for finals."