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Joke of the Day

"What do you do if your dishwasher stops working? Punch her"

"What do people call their grandmother in India? Naana"

"How do you measure the molar mass of guacamole? With Avocado's Constant."

"When God closes a door, he opens a window. Our heating bill is outrageous & six raccoons got in last night. Please God, this has to stop."

"Did you hear about the pagan children's physician? He's the wiccapediatrician."

"People in LA are deathly afraid of gluten. I swear to god, you could rob a liquor store in this city with a bagel."

"How do you keep a hard on? Don't fuck with it."

"Interested in: ( ) men ( ) women (X) food"

"Why dont guys like working in the rain? Because only pussys get wet."

"*exorcism* DEMON: *roars* PRIEST: we must restrain him! WIFE: *opens drawer* here! *tosses fuzzy pink handcuffs* PRIEST: ... DEMON: hey now"