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Joke of the Day

"Jesus walks into a motel He gives the guy at the counter 3 nails and says, ""can you put me up for the night?"""

"Backseat drivers are the worst. They're always like ""the light is red!"" and ""don't text and drive!"" and ""oh god, I think that was a person!"""

"They say attractiveness is relative... my cousin seemed to disagree"

"Possible Fact: If you suffer with freezing cold hands, you are contractually obliged to test their temperature by putting them on people."

"""So you think you can dance."" should be the title of a Lifetime movie about strippers."

"Women claim men are dogs but remember if you feed a dog his favorite food all the time, he will never leave home."

"Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me 189,463 times, you're the editor of HuffPo."

"How does Moses prepare his coffee? Hebrews it."

"19: Help me think of a tweet. Me: I'm sorry for the never-ending selfies, duck lip poses, & whining about how hard my life is. 19: Maaaaa!"

"Mexicans and blacks are a lot alike. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Jamal."