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Joke of the Day

"WebMD is a Choose Your Own Adventure book where every single story ends in malignant cancer"

"What did the rude prism say to the light beam that smacked into him? Get bent!"

"This cab driver is THE WORST. I keep telling him ""You passed my house, let me out"" & he's all like ""Sir I'm a cop and your under arrest for public nudity and intoxication."""

"The contestants on Jeopardy are always asking the stupidest questions. ""What is bronze?"" Read a book, you dummies."

"If Shakespeare were alive today, he'd write a tragedy about the fate of the single French fry that comes with every order of onion rings."

"I've been a little worried about the voices I hear in my head,.. .. luckily one of them is a therapist and he's been helping me through it."

"I use my imagination to solve problems. And by imagination, I mean booze."

"Why was the algebra teacher arrested on drug charges? He was caught doing lines of math!"

"Anyone who says spiders are more afraid of you than you are of them... has never woken up with one on their face."

"Sex is like Maths: You add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray you don't multiply."