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Joke of the Day

"If there's ever an apocalypse, you'll recognize me because I'll be the zombie wearing flip flops"

"Stevie Wonder is a genius! He has such an eye for detail"

"What happened to the egg and his girlfriend? They broke up."

"I accidentally just sent a kissy face emoji to my female boss... and now we wait for the call from HR on Monday."

"Gf: do I look fat in these pants? Brain: oh god it's a trap, this is what we've been training for Me: I've seen worse Brain: WTF MAN"

"Why'd the chicken cross the road? To get the Chinese Newspaper. Do you get it? . . . . . . . Me neither, I get the New York Times"

"One I just made up. Did you hear about the dyslexic mafia? They all pay homage to the Dog Farther"

"Cop: You were speeding. Me: Objection your honor. Cop: I'm not a judge. Me: Permission to approach the bench. Cop: What? Me: Sustained."

"I think I'd be really good at pulling hay from a horse's mouth But I may just be clutching at straws here."

"R.I.P. 2013 (2013-2013)"