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Joke of the Day

"Despite my last 12,000 tweets, I'm actually really fun."

"The number of things I feel compelled to sniff before I buy, is slightly embarrassing."

"What do you get when you cross a camera with a mirror? A camera that takes pictures of itself."

"Ramen again? This guy's a mess. -mice in my kitchen"

"Saw a Ringneck Dove in our garden... ... so I wrung its neck."

"Call your son Jack So you can drop your wife and Jack off every morning. (Actually heard a friend said that)"

"I was kicked out of a strip club last night for throwing twenty quid at one of the strippers. Ok, I admit it was in pound coins."

"if the gas station is 2 miles away.. ..and my dad's car can travel at 60mph, why hasn't he returned from getting cigarettes after 6 years?"

"I once dated a woman who thought windmills were solar powered. I'm so glad I don't drink anymore."

"What did the Mexican say when his roof fell on him? Get off me Holmes!"